A Simpler Ending
by Timeless Simplicity
Summary: What if the ending to Death Note was simpler? This is my parody of the ending to Death Note. SPOILERS


The end began when the police force walked into the warehouse to find the SPK behind Near who was sitting on the ground with a strange and vaguely scary L mask on. 

The police force recoiled and Light muttered, "Wow, that's a _really_ creepy L mask…"

Suddenly, Matsuda yelled, "Hey you coward! Why are you the only one wearing a mask!?"

"Matsuda, it can't be helped," Light told him.

"But-"

"Just shut up."

"This mask is a precaution. All of you could be killed by Kira even if you were covering your faces anyway. Now let's all stand around for half an hour to see if anyone dies." Matsuda began to complain but Light cut him off.

"Near, can you give me some more information about the case?"

"No! I told you, I want to see if anyone dies first!" So they all stood around doing nothing for half an hour.

After half an hour Near took his mask off and smirked. Once again the police force recoiled in horror.

"Yeesh, I think I liked the creepy L mask more…" Light whispered. Seeing Matsuda open his mouth to complain, he added, "Shut up Matsuda."

"Now," Near said, "I'm just going to assume all of you are morons and point out that the door is the only way in. X-Kira will look through that door soon because Kira couldn't contact him in time." After Near had spoken, Light began to smirk obviously. It's incredible the others didn't see it.

"Wait, will he bring the Death Note?" Matsuda asked.

"I'm going to pretend that wasn't blatantly obvious and actually answer you. Yes, and he's going to try and kill me," Near replied.

"But why do you want to be killed?" Matsuda said.

"I'm not going to be killed. I'm _trying_ to be killed. There's a difference."

"But-"

"Matsuda," Light cut in, "Just shut up and pretend what he's saying actually makes sense."

"I'm going to ignore that," Near said. "Anyway, if the door opens, everyone just ignore it."

Everyone agreed, and they all stood there pointlessly again. Suddenly, the door opened a little.

"Now I'm going to completely contradict myself by telling you all that he's here," Near said. A moment passed. "X-Kira has probably written all the names down by now, so it's safe to say, 'Ha! I replaced the pages of the Death Note!'"

_Ha! You think I don't know you replaced the pages! _Light thought. _Now I think I'll have a flashback explaining why!_ The others watched silently as Light spaced out for what was obviously more than 40 seconds.

"If the names have been written down you can come in," Light called through the door after he snapped out of his daydream. Mikami walked in and Light asked how many seconds have passed.

"At the risk of sounding like a complete idiot… 33, 34, 35…" Mikami continued to count.

"I win," Light said simply. Nothing happened.

"Ha! I knew you knew I replaced the pages!" Near said.

"Oh, crap," Light mumbled as he ran to the other end of the warehouse for no apparent reason. _How did they do it!?_ Light thought.

"It was because of Mello. Without him Mikami wouldn't have led us to his safe with the real Death Note, which was incredibly easy to break into, by the way." Light and Mikami stared at each other for a few moments until Matsuda interrupted.

"Uh-"

"Shut up Matsuda!" Light yelled. "Can't you see Mikami and I are trying to have a telepathic conversation here!?"

Several moments passed and, when it looked like they were done, Near said, "I'll explain how we managed to get into Mikami's safe…"

-An hour later-

"And that's how we did it." Silence.

"You do realize you just repeated yourself, like, three times, right?" Matsuda said.

"…" Near just stared.

"Shut up Matsuda," Light said.

"Anyway, now you can see that even though Mello and I aren't as good as L alone, we surpass him together."

Light began to laugh like he was insane. Which he is.

"Ok, so you caught me! I'm Kira! Wha'cha gonna do about it!?" he yelled. "This world has changed! I'm the one everyone praises! I am justice!"

"No, you're just a murderer," Near said.

"Well… What if the Notes you have are all fake!?" Light screamed randomly.

"I don't care if the Notes are real. By the way, you might want to come up with a better stalling attempt next time."

Suddenly, Light pulled a pencil out of nowhere and began to write in the Note hidden in his watch.

"Oh my gosh, he's writing on a piece of the Note!" Near yelled. Thank you Captain Obvious. Matsuda randomly decided he was going to be serious for once and shot Light's hand.

"Ow! What the heck man!?" Light yelled. "Since when do _you_ ever do anything!?"

"Shut up!" Matsuda yelled as he shot Light again. Some of the members of the SPK had to hold him down to stop him from killing Light. Which, given what Light's done so far, doesn't really make sense.

"Mikami!" Light yelled. "Kill them!"

Mikami, who had come to his senses, yelled, "You're not god! You're just scum!" Then Mikami tried to shoot Light too, but since he wasn't a mindless robot anymore, his aim sucked and he missed.

"Misa… Takada… Kill them…" Light muttered like he was insane. Well, more insane than usual. "Ryuk! Kill them!"

Surprisingly Ryuk said, "Ok Light, I'll write. But you're the only one that's gonna die."

"Wait, what!? I don't wanna die!"  
"Wow, for a genius you sure do have a short memory span. Remember I said that I'm going to be the one that'll kill you. It'd be boring to just wait around while you're in jail."

Then, Light died in what is possible the most dramatic manga death ever that lasted about six nearly identical panels.

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This fanfic is dedicated to Harvest Dreaming. Without our random conversations on AIM, this fanfic wouldn't exist.

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End file.
